When I lose faith and doubt the magic or mystery of self-actualization, or following one's bliss, or taking the left-hand path, or whatever you want to call it I will remember these past two months.
The day that we received an offer on our McMansion we also received notification from one of our three tenants - who had rented from us for over four years - that they were moving out. Because we have been wanting to sell that house a door opened.
We had two and a half weeks from accepting the offer on our McMansion to downsize and move into a 200 square foot travel trailer that we didn't yet own. Everything went smoothly. We purchased the trailer, we sold and gave away everything we intended to, we moved all of our flaming stuff and relocated to a local RV park.
After we moved into the Hideout I renewed my efforts to find a job. My dream has been to use my newly acquired degree to find somewhat flexible work as a college teacher (with summers off for traveling). I have been applying and interviewing for jobs for almost a year. Within this past month I applied for, interviewed for, and obtained a full-time university instructor position that affords me the opportunity to telecommute regularly and has the summers off.
We listed the rental house for sale and in the first week we received an offer and accepted it.
I located a new RV park central to my new job and my husband's existing job. I put a deposit down on the lot today.
I feel swept away by the currents we created in the past. Long-term decisions are bearing fruit. To be in this moment after all of the worry and planning and concern is almost surreal. To my future self I say, "trust me!" I am making the decisions that will sweep you away to your next adventure! This reality - which is certainly a bit crazy by many standards - was dreamed into existence. It resolves some problems and may create others, but it certainly forces us to live in the moment. To make deliberate choices, to act consciously instead of running on autopilot. Today, for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could slow down and enjoy the fruit. I looked with wonder on how things are coming together exactly as I dreamed they might - except the reality is much better than the dream.
"Let me fall.
Let me fall.
Let me climb.
There's a moment where fear and dream must collide.
Someone I am is waiting for courage,
the one I want, the one I will become will catch me
so let me fall, if I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them.
All I ask
all I need -
Let me open whichever door I might open....
I will dance so freely,
holding on to no one.
You can hold me only if you too will fall away from all those useless fears and chains...
Let me fall.
Let me fall.
There's no reason to miss this one chance
this perfect moment
just let me fall."
- Cirque du Soleil, Quidam, Let Me Fall
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